Identity Crisis

The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. John 10:10

What’s in my identity? Who determines my identity? Can I change my identity? As a young girl, I identified with my family unit. I grew up in a family unit that believed in the importance of uniting as one and supporting each other along the way. I watched my parents go through life facing everyday challenges with perseverance and embracing occasional victories with gratitude. I quickly learned that when life gets tough, we got tougher. We came together as a unit and we walked through the trial or the victory as one. Naturally, I learned that having a family was part of who I was. I belonged to a unit that worked together. I knew as a young girl that I wanted to have my own family.  

By the middle of my young adult life, I had a preconceived notion of what I wanted out of life. I wanted to be a wife, a mother, and a teacher. Evidence of wanting to identify with these three things were penned in my childhood journal. A journal stashed away in a treasure chest held my dreams of someday becoming all these and so much more. Believing that I could attain these identities was my mission in life. I desperately wanted to achieve them. I wanted to marry and to raise a family; hence, becoming a wife was important to me.  

In December, 1987, I became a wife to my high school sweetheart. Slowly but surely in my adult life, my dreams were becoming a reality. First, I became a wife, and then I became a mother to my first daughter in 1995 and then again to my second daughter in 2001. These two important identities became part of my makeup. I built a life around these two statuses. I had all I needed and I just knew that nothing in this world could ever destroy who I was and what I stood for. Wrong! 

After fifteen years of marriage, my whole world came crumbling down. My identity as a wife had be stripped down to a document that declared me as a single woman. The one thing I dreamt of being and becoming had been taken from me. The stripping of this identity pierced my innermost and most intimate parts of who I was as a woman. I loved being a wife. I could not come to terms with this new divorced status. How is it possible that someone could take this from me?  Don’t they understand that becoming a wife was part of who I wanted to be. I dreamt of living the “happily ever after” story. What happened? Who am I? Where do I belong? Whose am I? How will I survive this loss?  

Thought after thought bombarded my mind. At my time of weakness, the enemy started his deceitful scheme with his own plan of destruction. He was quick to whisper, “You failed as a wife. Your dreams of becoming a wife were a lie. You were wrong all along. You will never rise from this again.” The more I listened the darker my world. I was alone, hurt, and desperate. Every single word he whispered, I believed. Defeated, disillusion, and depressed his plan to destroy me was pitching me into a dark pit. As I spiraled down this pit of destruction my world was getting darker and darker. At this point in my life, there was no point at all. I had been stripped of the one thing I dreamt of becoming.  

How do I keep going when life comes crashing down? How do I move forward? Where do I belong? Who should I identify with?  My dark days were greater than my bright days. I had no hope for my future and for myself as a woman. I did not want to keep going at all. I was exhausted from the mental turmoil. One day and in search for significance, I decided to take a walk in my neighborhood as my daughters slept.  As I cried out to the Lord, he heard my cry and revealed himself to me like he had never done before.  On this day, I met the One, Jesus Christ, who would change my life forever. He changed my life in the most extraordinary way on an ordinary day.  I have never been the same since that day.  He’s waiting to change your day and to seal you with a new identity. Don’t lose hope!  

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